Weakest link SD style!
by Hagane
Summary: When Weakest Link was THE tv gameshow, and when the boys were forced into it. Yep, all the bball players in the Kanagawa region.
1. Default Chapter

Announcer: Welcome to The Weakest Link, a Slam Dunk special. The contestants will compete for a million pounds- -  
  
Fujima(whipping out a sleek scientific calculator): Excuse me, but what's the conversion rate from British pounds to Japanese yen?  
  
Maki leaned over to whisper.  
  
Fujima: Ah, thanks.  
  
He punched numbers furiously into the calculator.  
  
Announcer: Err, as I was saying, the contestants will compete for a million pounds, which the winner will donate to charity. ^-^;;  
  
Mitsui waved a hand in the air.  
  
Announcer: Yes?  
  
Mitsui: What's the point in us competing then? You could just give the money to charity and save everyone's time.  
  
The others agreed with him.  
  
Announcer: Err, this is a charity fund-raiser?  
  
Mitsui: Ah. For the little kids without homes, ne? Souyo, souyo..  
  
Announcer: Actually sir, it's for the old folks.  
  
Mitsui: Oh. Is that so? Well then.  
  
Announcer gives him a strange look. O.o  
  
Announcer: Well, if there are no more questions, I would like to continu- -  
  
Mitsui waved another hand in the air.  
  
Announcer: Err, yes?  
  
Mitsui: Did you say charity fund-raising event?  
  
The announcer nods.  
  
Mitsui: But you just said that we're competing for a million pounds! How can it be a fund-raiser since we already know how much we'll raise? O.o  
  
Announcer: Err..  
  
Sakuragi: Oi Mitchy! Will you leave the onna alone?  
  
Kogure: Sakuragi's right, Mitsui. We shouldn't harass the poor announcer. She's just following the script. ^-^;;  
  
Mitsui grumbled but backed down.  
  
Announcer: Thank you, sirs. ^-^;; (Sakuragi perks up at being called a 'sir') I'm sure you're well aware of how the game works (shakes all around)...err..well, then you'll have to pick up along the way. Our contestants tonight are,  
  
Mr Maki Shinichi Mr Kiyota Nobunaga Mr Fujima Kenji  
  
Mr Sendoh Akira  
  
Mr Mitsui Hisashi  
  
Mr Sakuragi Hanamichi  
  
Mr Rukawa Kaede  
  
and  
  
Mr Kogure Kiminobu  
  
Announcer: Right, shall we begin?  
  
Sendoh: Announcer-san?  
  
Announcer: Yes?  
  
Sendoh: Aren't you supposed to be stern? And bitchy?  
  
Announcer: Err, well, see, I'm not very good at acting...err, Mr Rukawa Kaede sir, please, we're starting now..  
  
Sakuragi: Oi, kitsune. Wake up.  
  
Rukawa: Hnn? XO (stretches and yawns)  
  
Announcer: Good. Shall we begin?  
  
  
  
  
  
Announcer: First question, what do you call the young of a frog?  
  
Sakuragi(happily): Chibi froggy! ^-^  
  
Announcer: Ah, no, your answer is wrong, I'm afraid. The correct answer is...  
  
Kiyota(yelling): Spawn! Spawn!  
  
Announcer: Yes, that is correct. The young of a frog is called spawn.  
  
Kiyota: BWAHAHAHA! You're so dumb red-haired monkey! =D  
  
Sakuragi(turning red): Urusai you stupid saru! X/  
  
Announcer: Err, next question (both fall silent). How do you define weight?  
  
Maki: The pull of gravity on an object.  
  
Announcer: That is correct.  
  
Kiyota: Yay! Maki-san! ^-^  
  
Announcer: What is the equation relating energy to mass?  
  
Sakuragi: What's that? @-@  
  
Kogure: ½ mass multiplied by volume squared.  
  
Announcer: Correct. What is the name of the disease which people are prone to as they age?  
  
Sakuragi: I know! Is it..(guessing) the ji-ji syndrome?  
  
Announcer: That is incorrect. ^-^;;  
  
Sakuragi: Nani?!!! But it can't be wrong! Ask ji-ji over there! (points at Maki)  
  
Maki managed to keep a straight face as everyone else sniggered.  
  
Announcer: The correct answer is Alzheimer's. The proceeding question, what do you call an ape with red hair?  
  
Kiyota and Mitsui: SAKURAGI HANAMICHI! (doubles up with laughter) =D  
  
Sakuragi: TEME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X/ Even Maki had to crack a smile at that.  
  
Kogure: Maa maa, minna-san....let's all be serious here. ^-^;;  
  
Mitsui(still laughing hard): All right, orang utan.  
  
Sakuragi: Nani? What did you call me Mitchy? X/  
  
Kiyota(howling with laughter): The saru finally admits he is one! BWAAHAHAHA!!!!! =D  
  
Announcer: Err, please, we're on a live telecast. ^-^;;  
  
Sendoh: Souka? Why didn't you tell me? (runs his fingers through his hair and smiles charmingly into the camera)  
  
Announcer: Err...Orang utan is correct. What do you call the release of energy from the fusion of two nuclei?  
  
Fujima: Nuclear fusion. ^-^  
  
Announcer: Correct. A person who has red eyes, white hair and pale skin is called...?  
  
Kiyota: A vampire!  
  
Sakuragi: No it's not! You baka saru! It's an albino!  
  
Mitsui and Sendoh: What did you just say? O.O  
  
Sakuragi: An albino. You know, a person with red eyes, pale skin, yare yare..  
  
Fujima: I'm impressed O.o  
  
Maki changed his mind about the redhead not being very bright.  
  
Announcer: Right you are. What is... Can somebody wake Mr Rukawa Kaede please? He's drooling all over the microphone... ._ Err...we'll go for a short commercial break. 


	2. The second round

(backstage)  
  
Announcer: Mr Rukawa Kaede sir? Please wake up, we're going on air in two minutes. Mr Rukawa Kaede?  
  
Sakuragi: Onna, you should just beat him up! (starts to kick the sleeping boy)  
  
Kogure: Maa maa Sakuragi.. It's not very nice ^-^;;  
  
Sendoh: Announcer-san.  
  
Announcer: Yes Mr Sendoh Akira sir?  
  
Sendoh: Why must you be so formal?  
  
Mitsui: And so hopelessly polite? Can't you just drop the 'Mr' and 'sir' parts? Just calling me Mitsui would be fine.  
  
Fujima: She could get into trouble if she did that.  
  
Sendoh: Were you told to address us like that?  
  
Announcer: Err, actually, I'm free to say what I want.  
  
Mitsui: So? Stop calling me 'sir' and 'Mr'! I'm not used to such formal terms!  
  
Sakuragi's gundam in the audience starts sniggering.  
  
Okusu: Mitchy's an ex-gangster! He's not used to formalities! =D  
  
Takamiya: He's not respectable you know! =D  
  
Mitsui(glaring at them): Shut up you fools! X/  
  
Camera man: We're on in ten..nine..  
  
Announcer(panicking): Excuse me, Mr..(a glance at Mitsui changed her mind) Rukawa? Please, wake up!  
  
Camera man: ..six...five...four..  
  
Announcer(screaming): RUKAWA!  
  
Rukawa lifted his head and looked around dazedly.  
  
Rukawa(blinking): Hnn? Camera man: ...two..one..you're on!  
  
Announcer(smiling): Welcome back to the Weakest Link, the Slam Dunk special. And we have our next question. How many continents are there on Earth? ^-^  
  
Maki: Seven. ^-^;;  
  
Announcer: Correct. (smiles at Maki) What do you call someone with a phobia of the dark?  
  
Rukawa: Nyctophobia.  
  
Announcer: Your answer is correct. (Rukawa then goes back to sleep) ^-^;; Err, okay...we'll go on to the final question of our first round. (Everyone leans forward eagerly) How long did the second world war last?  
  
Kiyota: There was a second world war? O.O  
  
Sakuragi: There was a world war? O.O  
  
Mitsui(disbelieving): Don't you guys take history? O.o  
  
Kiyota(suddenly): I know! It didn't last very long!  
  
Maki(curious): What makes you think so, Kiyota? O.O  
  
Kiyota: Well, since there's no world war now, the second world war couldn't have lasted could it?  
  
Sendoh: Good point there.  
  
Sakuragi; NYAHAHA! The tensai knew the answer all along!  
  
Announcer: And what IS the answer? O.o  
  
Kiyota(making a wild guess): Two years.  
  
Announcer: Wrong.  
  
Sakuragi: NYAHAHAHA! The tensai knew the answer was wrong all the while!  
  
Announcer: Oookay.. ^-^;; Well, now, please vote someone out of this round. Maki? (she smiled at him)  
  
Sendoh(in an audible whisper): Looks like our host has the hots for Maki- san.  
  
The announcer turned slightly red.  
  
Maki(oblivious): I say Sendoh. He's really useless.  
  
Sendoh: What did I ever do to you?  
  
Maki: Nothing.  
  
Sendoh: So?  
  
Maki: That's exactly it. You've done nothing.  
  
Fujima: I vote Sendoh out too.  
  
Sakuragi: I vote the Kitsune!  
  
Kiyota: I vote the saru..(realizing Sakuragi had not voted HIM out) NO! I vote Rukawa out!  
  
Kogure: Maa maa.. Must we really do this? (nods all around) well, I guess Sendoh since he hasn't helped us one bit.  
  
Announcer: It's up to Mitsui then.  
  
Mitsui(ponders thoughtfully): Hmmmm... I guess Sendoh.  
  
Sendoh: What?  
  
Announcer: Well, you've been voted out Sendoh and it seems you're the weakest link. Goodbye.  
  
Sendoh: Don't I get a vote?  
  
Announcer: Oh, yes you do (mutters) I doubt it'll change anything though.  
  
Sendoh: Then, I vote Rukawa out! (smiles evilly)  
  
Announcer(smiles evilly as well): And Rukawa gets a vote as well. What will it be Rukawa?  
  
Rukawa: *drool*  
  
Sakuragi: Oi! Kitsune! She's asking you a question! (kicks him hard)  
  
Rukawa: Hnn? I won't let you disturb my sleep (is about to punch Sakuragi)  
  
Kiyota(impatiently): Stupid Rukawa! Hurry up and cast your vote. We don't have time to play!  
  
Announcer: O.O (whispers) this coming from the joker?  
  
Rukawa: Vote?  
  
Sakuragi: You're supposed to vote someone out you stupid kitsune! X/  
  
Fujima(helpfully): We need your vote to decide who gets kicked out, you or Sendoh.  
  
Maki: His reply should be obvious.  
  
Mitsui: You'll be surprised Maki.  
  
Rukawa: I want out.  
  
Mitsui(smirks at Maki): Told you.  
  
Announcer: You're voting yourself out? O.O  
  
Rukawa nods.  
  
Kogure(sweatdrop): He's just joking Announcer-san. Right Rukawa? ^-^;;  
  
Mitsui: Since when did Rukawa possess a sense of humour? O.o  
  
Fujima: Don't be such a spoil sport Rukawa.  
  
Sendoh: Does this mean I can stay?  
  
Rukawa(glares at Sendoh): Hnn, I'll vote that 'ahou out.  
  
Sendoh: What? This isn't fair! Why are all of you ganging up on me? *-*  
  
Rukawa: Do'ahou.  
  
Announcer: You are the weakest link Sendoh. Goodbye. ^-^  
  
Sendoh: But I haven't finished posing for the camera yet! (two bodyguards drag him off the set). Matte!  
  
Announcer: ^-^ Our next round begins now. The first question, which day in the menstrual cycle does ovulation take place?  
  
Kiyota: What's a menstrual cycle? @-@  
  
Sakuragi: Ovulation? @-@  
  
Kogure blushes.  
  
Fujima: On the fourteenth day. ^-^  
  
Announcer: Correct.  
  
Mitsui: Hentai.  
  
Kogure(turning redder): Maa maa Mitsui. Fujima-san was only answering the question.  
  
Mitsui rolled his eyes.  
  
Mitsui: Still very ecchi if you ask me.  
  
Announcer: Next question, which gas gives off a pungent smell and is colourless?  
  
Sakuragi: Gori's fart! (starts laughing maniacally)  
  
Akagi stands up from amongst the audience, ready to throw Sakuragi out the studio.  
  
Mitsui snickered.  
  
Kogure: Ammonia.  
  
Announcer: ^-^;; yes, you're right. How do Eskimos keep their food from freezing?  
  
Kiyota: By sitting on them?  
  
Sakuragi: Keeping them in a refrigerator obviously. Humph!  
  
Fujima: He never fails to amaze me. O.O  
  
Maki nodded in agreement.  
  
Announcer: Right you are! Here's a bonus question, what is round and fat, has white hair and goes 'HO HO HO'?  
  
Sakuragi: Oyaji! ^-^  
  
Mitsui(angry): You fool! X/  
  
Rukawa opened one of his eyes.  
  
Rukawa: Santa Claus.  
  
Announcer: Correct! Rukawa gets the bonus!  
  
Sakuragi: Nani? The kitsune gets it? TEME!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Announcer: ^-^;; On with the next question, what is the disease related to a high cholesterol level?  
  
Maki: Atherosclerosis.  
  
Mitsui: Thrombosis.  
  
Kogure: Coronary heart disease.  
  
Announcer: Well, all of you are correct. ^-^;;  
  
Mitsui: But you asked for THE disease, not what are the diseaseS! There should only be one answer!  
  
Kogure: I don't mean to say you're wrong but Mitsui's right. ^-^;;  
  
Sakuragi: Ara? But if Mitchy's right, isn't the onna wrong? O.o  
  
Kiyota: And since Kogure-san says Mitsui-san is correct then Announcer-san must be wrong!  
  
Kogure sweatdrops.  
  
Announcer(smiling): Well then, since I'm wrong, the correct answer is atherosclerosis. Now I'm right and you're both wrong.  
  
Fujima: O.O (whispers) She's mean.  
  
Announcer: Maki is correct then. ^-^  
  
Sendoh(from backstage): I knew she had the hots for Maki-san!  
  
Announcer(smiles sweetly while indicating for the bodyguards to gag him up): Our next question then. What is the capital of Kirghizia?  
  
Mitsui: What the? @-@  
  
Sakuragi: Huh? @-@  
  
Kiyota: ? @-@ Fujima:......  
  
Maki:.........  
  
Kogure:....... ^-^;;  
  
Announcer: Does anyone know the answer?  
  
Mitsui(leaning towards Rukawa): Psstttt.. Rukawa! Oi Rukawa! What's the answer?  
  
Sakuragi: Why are you asking the kitsune? He's stupid you know.  
  
Mitsui: Speak for yourself idiot.  
  
Sakuragi(bristling): TEME!!!!!!!!!!! How dare you call this tensai an idiot!  
  
Kogure: Maa maa... (tries desperately to calm the fuming boy) ^-^;;  
  
Announcer: Rukawa? Do you know the answer?  
  
Rukawa: What's the question? XO (yawns)  
  
Fujima(helpfully): What is the capital of Kirgeesa?  
  
Announcer: Kirghizia.  
  
Rukawa: Dunno. (promptly goes back to napping)  
  
Announcer: ^-^;; well, since no one knows the answer, I- -  
  
Kiyota(staring at a menu in his hands): Yum.. Fish cake..  
  
Announcer: You are correct! The capital of Kirghizia is Bishkek! ^-^  
  
Everyone: O.O;;  
  
Announcer: Next one. What is Asbestos?  
  
Mitsui: An industrial mineral.  
  
Kogure: O.O  
  
Sakuragi: NYAHAHAHA! Mitchy's not bad!  
  
Mitsui: Baka! Of course not!  
  
Announcer: And now we've come to the final question of this second round. What is an autodidact?  
  
Rukawa(waking up): A self-taught person.  
  
Announcer: Rukawa is correct! All right, now please vote someone out.  
  
Sakuragi: I vote the kitsune!  
  
Kiyota: I vote Rukawa.  
  
Maki: I vote... Fujima? Who are you voting out?  
  
Fujima(thinking): I don't know.... You? But definitely not Rukawa. He helps us answer when you least expect it.  
  
Maki(nodding): Not Rukawa....  
  
Kiyota(wailing): Maki-san! Why not Rukawa?  
  
Mitsui: I vote Sakuragi.  
  
Sakuragi: NANI?!!! Mitchy how could you do this to a tensai? X/  
  
Kogure: Maa maa, Sakuragi. It's all part of the game..... ^-^;;  
  
Rukawa: I vote the do'ahou.  
  
Announcer: Which one? ^-^  
  
Mitsui(whispering): Has anybody realized she's getting meaner by the minute? O.O;;  
  
Rukawa: The noisy one. Wait. Both are noisy.  
  
Everyone: ^-^;;  
  
Sakuragi: TEME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X/  
  
Rukawa: That one. (points to Sakuragi)  
  
Kiyota(guffawing): BWAHAHAHA!!!!!! =D  
  
Rukawa: Am I entitled to two votes?  
  
Announcer: Why not? ^-^ You did answer the bonus question correctly.  
  
Rukawa: Both then.  
  
Kiyota: BWAHA- - TEME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stupid Rukawa!!! X/  
  
Sakuragi: NYAHAHAHA!!!!! This is what happens when you laugh at a tensai! =D  
  
Maki: Aren't you forgetting that you've been voted as well? O.o  
  
Sakuragi(still laughing): But so did the wild monkey! NYAHAHAHA! =D  
  
Maki: Ah, okay. T.T  
  
Announcer: Whom will Maki, Fujima and Kogure vote for then? ^-^  
  
Kogure: Can you give us more time? ^-^;;  
  
Announcer: Certainly! We'll go for another commercial break while our contestants decide. ^-^  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
^-^ daijoubu! I'm not a yaoi author! 


	3. Who's next?

Announcer(smiling): Welcome back to the Weakest Link a Slam Dunk special. Three of our contestants will cast their votes for the weakest link amongst them. Who will be the one to be thrown out in this round?  
  
Fujima: I have to say.... (thinks hard) .  
  
Kogure: This is really hard... ^-^  
  
Maki: Kiyota.  
  
Kiyota: NANI? Demo, Maki-san, how could you do this to me! (starts to sob) *-*  
  
Maki throws up his hands in exasperation.  
  
Maki: Fine, I take that back. (grumbles) Che, he makes me sound so cruel.  
  
Announcer: Your votes please? We have two for Sakuragi, two for Rukawa and one for Kiyota. ^-^  
  
Sakuragi: Baka kitsune! Baka Mitchy! (glares)  
  
Fujima: Kogure then.  
  
Everyone: NANI?!!!  
  
Sakuragi(shocked): Say that again bench-warmer! O.o  
  
Fujima(smiling): Kogure-san.^-^  
  
Mitsui(wide-eyed with shock): B-but, oi, you're joking right? O.O  
  
Kiyota(disbelieving): Why Kogure-san? He hasn't done anything to you. O.o  
  
Fujima smiled.  
  
Fujima: Well, I thought it would be more fun to have a variety of picks. ^- ^  
  
Everyone: Huh? O.O  
  
Fujima: You know, more people to choose from.. ^-^  
  
Everyone blinks.  
  
Mitsui(cursing under his breath): I'm stuck with two monkeys, which is bad enough. Now there's a sadistic psycho too. K'so, damn this stinking show.  
  
Maki: I'll say Kogure as well.  
  
Kogure(blinks): M-Maki? You too? o  
  
He shrugged.  
  
Maki: Fujima's right.  
  
Announcer: So we have two for Sakuragi, Rukawa and Kogure. And one for Kiyota. What will your vote be, Kogure? ^-^  
  
Kogure: Well, I, I guess, Kiyota then. To make it all even. ^-^;;  
  
Kiyota: Kogure-san! *-*  
  
Announcer: Well, since the votes are undecided, we will not have anyone eliminated in this round. ^-^  
  
Everyone heaves a sigh of relief.  
  
Announcer: So we'll continue with out third round! ^-^ Where is malaria most prevalent?  
  
Maki: In African countries usually.  
  
Fujima: I thought Asian?  
  
Maki(confidently): No, African.^-^  
  
Fujima(insistently): But it must be Asian! ^-^  
  
Maki: African. ^-^  
  
Fujima: Asian. ^-^  
  
Maki: African. ^-^  
  
Fujima: Iie, Asian. ^-^  
  
Everyone else: O.O;;  
  
Maki(turning to the announcer): Which one is it Announcer-san?  
  
Announcer(smiling): African...  
  
Maki(smirking at Fujima): See, I told you... ;p Announcer:... and Asian.  
  
Fujima(smirking back): I told you too. ;p  
  
Both glare at each other.  
  
Kogure: Maa, maa... ^-^;;  
  
Kiyota: Anou, Kogure-san?  
  
Kogure: Hai, Kiyota?  
  
Kiyota: Why do you even bother? O.o  
  
Kogure: I don't know either. ^-^;;  
  
Announcer: Both of you are correct then. Next, what is the main cause of obesity?  
  
Sakuragi(laughing): Too much food and no exercise! NYAHAHAHA! =D  
  
Announcer: That's not the complete answer.... ^-^  
  
Kiyota(smartly): Over consumption of foods, a low metabolic level or a inherited gene.  
  
Sakuragi: You forgot no exercise!  
  
Kiyota: Yes, and no exercise.  
  
Announcer: That is correct! ^-^ Next question...  
  
Sakuragi(shocked): Did I just help that saru? O.O  
  
Kiyota(equally stunned): Did the saru just help me? O.O  
  
Both clutch their heads.  
  
Sakuragi and Kiyota(shrieking): IIE! It can't be!!!!!!!  
  
Mitsui snorted.  
  
Announcer: Our next question, what do people mean by an aficionado?  
  
Kogure: Huh? @-@  
  
Maki:.......  
  
Fujima:.......  
  
Sakuragi: A-fish-shio-what?!!!!  
  
Kiyota: Ara? @-@  
  
Mitsui: A fan.  
  
Rukawa(eyes still closed): An ardent follower actually.  
  
Announcer: Correct! ^-^ Mitsui and Rukawa both get the answer!  
  
Everyone: O.O  
  
Kogure: I never ever thought, in my wildest dreams, that these two were smart. O.O  
  
Announcer: What then is a peon?  
  
Kiyota(blinks): A bird?  
  
Sakuragi: That's a pigeon stupid.  
  
Kiyota: TEME!!!!!!!!! X/  
  
Announcer: What's a peon then? ^-^  
  
Sakuragi: Messenger.  
  
Everyone: O.O  
  
Kiyota(not to be outdone): I knew that!  
  
Sakuragi: You did not, you stupid wild monkey!  
  
Kiyota: TEME!!!!!!!!!! X/  
  
Kogure: Maa maa... ^-^;;  
  
Announcer: Last question, what is an ambidexterist?  
  
Maki: Someone who can use both hands... skillfully.  
  
Announcer: Yes! Vote someone out please! ^-^  
  
Mitsui(sweatdrop): She's a little too eager don't you think? O.O;;  
  
Maki: Can't blame her. I would be too if I had to be stuck hosting you guys.  
  
Mitsui(bristling): What's that supposed to mean? .  
  
Maki(smiling): Go figure. ^-^  
  
Announcer: So? Who will it be? ^-^  
  
Sakuragi: The kitsune! ^-^  
  
Kiyota: Rukawa! ^-^  
  
Fujima(turning to Kogure): They'll never rest till they've kicked him out won't they?  
  
Kogure nodded.  
  
Fujima(smiling): Well, I'm not going to help them in any case. ^-^  
  
Kogure(whispering): Fujima's evil I tell you... ^-^;;  
  
Fujima: I say Kogure.  
  
Maki(nodding agreeably): Kogure. He didn't answer.  
  
Mitsui(nodding thoughtfully): You've got a point there. All right, Kogure then.  
  
Kogure(pained): Me?  
  
Announcer(cheerfully): Kogure? What's your vote? ^-^  
  
Kogure: Well..... (sighs).... I vote myself then.  
  
Announcer: Good choice! (everyone stares at her O.O) Rukawa?  
  
Rukawa: I don't care. Just don't disturb me.  
  
Announcer: Okay then! Bye Kogure! You're the weakest link!  
  
Kogure shuffles off, throws a sad, final glance over his shoulder and sighs.  
  
Kogure(to himself): I'm glad I'm off the set. I owe Maki and Fujima one. ^- ^  
  
Sakuragi(to Mitsui): Oi Mitchy, Megane-kun doesn't look too sad does he? He looks almost... happy.  
  
Mitsui stared at Kogure. Mitsui: You know, you're actually right... (realizes they've been fooled) KOGURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Kogure: Eheh. ^-^;;  
  
Announcer(still smiling): Our fourth round! How do you pronounce joie de vivre?  
  
Sakuragi(happily): Jo-ah-dee-vee-veray! ^-^  
  
Kiyota: Jo-iie-dey-vi-vru-ey! ^-^  
  
Mitsui: Jua-di-vou....  
  
Maki: Jua-di-vou....  
  
Fujima: Jua-di-vou...  
  
Rukawa: Hnn? (blinks)  
  
Announcer: How do you pronounce the word? ^-^  
  
Rukawa: Is there such a word? XO  
  
Sakuragi: Baka kitsune! Of course there is! If not, we wouldn't be trying to pronounce it would we? .  
  
Mitsui: Smart.  
  
Kiyota: O.O  
  
Announcer: Please cast your votes!  
  
Mitsui: But, we've only answered one question! O.o  
  
Announcer: I know! But I've decided this round should be special! ^-^  
  
Mitsui: Ooookay.. O.O  
  
Kiyota(immediately): I vote the-  
  
Maki: I know, the kitsune right? (sighs)  
  
Kiyota(admiringly): Maki-san! How did you know?  
  
Maki(sighs): Fool, you never change.  
  
Sakuragi: I vote Rukawa out!  
  
Fujima: Didn't you just reverse your roles? ^-^;; Kiyota's calling Rukawa kitsune and now you're calling Rukawa by his name.  
  
Sakuragi and Kiyota(horrified): NANI?!!!!!!!!!  
  
Rukawa: Do'aho.  
  
Sakuragi and Kiyota: TEME RUKAWA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X/  
  
Announcer: Votes? ^-^  
  
Mitsui: I vote Sakuragi and Kiyota.  
  
Maki: Kiyota.  
  
Fujima: Sakuragi  
  
Rukawa: *snore*  
  
Announcer: So Kiyota, Sakuragi and Rukawa have two votes!  
  
Sakuragi(protesting): How come Mitchy gets two votes? .  
  
Announcer: Because I say so! ^-^  
  
Kiyota: That's not fair! .  
  
Announcer: So sue me! ^-^  
  
Kiyota: Just you wait!  
  
Turns to Maki.  
  
Kiyota: Anou, Maki-san, how do you sue someone?  
  
Maki: ........  
  
Announcer(clapping her hands together): The votes have been cast! Kiyota, Sakuragi and Rukawa, you are the weakest links! Au revoir! ^-^  
  
Mitsui(incredulously): Three at once?  
  
Announcer: Actually, my producer said at the most two but Kiyota and Sakuragi are one of a kind, so it's still two! ^-^ Sakuragi: How can this happen to a tensai? (howls in agony)  
  
Kiyota: You can't kick this super rookie out!  
  
Announcer(smiling sweetly): That's exactly what you are. A rookie. Goodbye! ^-^  
  
Everyone: O.O;;  
  
Sakuragi and Kiyota trudge off the set, still wailing over the injustice of it all.  
  
Announcer: Somebody please get Rukawa off the set! He's going to flood the entire studio! ^-^  
  
Mitsui: Actually, announcer-san, do you mind letting him stay?  
  
Announcer: Stay? Rukawa? O.o  
  
Mitsui: He's rather useful you know.  
  
Announcer(nodding): Ah. (notices Maki and Fujima nodding in agreement) Okay then. ^-^ Rukawa will remain in the game since the other contestants want him back. ^-^  
  
Sakuragi(from backstage): No fair onna!  
  
Kiyota: Why does he get to stay when we get kicked out? .  
  
Announcer: Well, I've changed my mind about the rules. You can come back provided the others are willing to let you return. ^-^ but in this case, no one wants you back I'm afraid. ^0^ (laughs)  
  
Mitstui: O.O;;;;;;;;;  
  
Fujima: O.O she's nuts.  
  
Rukawa: Do'aho. XO  
  
Sakuragi: TEME!!!!!!!!!!!! X/  
  
Kiyota: URUSAI STUPID RUKAWA! X/  
  
Announcer: And so, we will be right back after these messages! ^-^  
  
  
  
The Eskimo question? Well, to tell you the truth, a chum of mine kept asking everyone to answer after he found out about it.... And it's stuck in my mind ever since. ^-^  
  
Anou ne, I'm quite aware this chapter isn't particularly hilarious. Sumi ne? I couldn't really think up anything good.... a transient lapse I suppose. Don't mind, ne? ^-^ 


	4. And we have our winner!

(backstage)  
  
Sakuragi(running onstage and shaking Rukawa by the neck): TEME KITSUNE!!!!!!!!! Why is that you can stay when this tensai gets voted out! It's not fair! X/  
  
Kiyota(wailing offstage): Maki-san how could you do this to me! I'm your no. 1 fan! How can you treat me like this? How can you treat me, me, Kiyota Nobunaga, super rookie and future MVP like this? How can you? How? !.!  
  
Maki(eye twitching): That idiot's overreacting... T.T*  
  
Mitsui: Sakuragi! If you want to switch places with me, I'll be glad to! (whispers) I really can't stand another minute of this...if she keeps asking such questions I would have to answer them and everyone will know that I'm smart. I can't let that happen! Never! It would ruin my reputation!  
  
Sakuragi(eyes shining... he's stopped shaking Rukawa by the way): You mean it Mitchy? 0.0  
  
Mitsui nodded.  
  
Sakuragi(starts shaking Rukawa again in his new found joy): NYAHAHAHAH!!!!! The tensai will stay in the game! =D  
  
Maki: You sure about this Mitsui? O.o  
  
Mitsui: Of course.  
  
Fujima: Mou... I've tried so hard to rid of him... ^-^  
  
Mitsui: O.o  
  
Announcer: All right then! Sakuragi will take Mitsui's place! We're going back on air in. ^-^  
  
Cameraman:.. three..two...one...you're on!  
  
  
  
Announcer(smiling into the camera): Welcome back to the Weakest Link a Slam Dunk special! Sakuragi and Mitsui have traded places so our finalists in the fifth round are Maki, Fujima, Rukawa and Sakuragi. ^-^  
  
Sakuragi: NYAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Announcer: The first question... How do you describe a 'gobbledegook' person?  
  
Fujima: That sounds suspiciously like turkey language and unfortunately I don't speak Turkish (get it? ;p it's lame I know.. ^-^;;)  
  
Maki: Are you sure there's such a word? O.o  
  
Sakuragi: NYAHAHAHAHA!!!!! Just because you don't know it doesn't mean it doesn't exist! =D  
  
Maki: If you're so smart answer the question.  
  
Rukawa: D'aho.  
  
Sakuragi: TEME!!!!!!!!!! X/  
  
Fujima: Here's a question! Has anyone realized that Rukawa always somehow wakes up just to insult Sakuragi? ^-^  
  
Maki: Ah.... Only you would... O.o;;  
  
Announcer: Back to the question please! ^-^  
  
Sakuragi: A gobble-what? Can you repeat it?  
  
Mitsui(snorting from the audience): See, if you don't know the word it's very likely that you won't know what it means so DON'T BOTHER YOU BAKA!  
  
Sakuragi(loudly): I am not going to get mad at Mitchy because he was nice to me just now..I am not going to get mad at ...  
  
Everyone: O.O;;  
  
Rukawa: D'aho. Noisy monkey.  
  
Sakuragi(stops talking loudly to himself): TEME!!!!!!!!!!! X/  
  
Fujima: Here's another question! How many times did Sakuragi say 'TEME' to Rukawa since the game started? ^-^  
  
Maki: Fujima?  
  
Fujima: Yes Maki? ^-^  
  
Maki: You're weird you know that? O.O;;  
  
Fujima: ^-^  
  
Maki: Anyway, announcer-san, I don't know the answer.  
  
Sakuragi: I do! I do! ^-^/ (waves arm furiously about) The answer is.. ah.... a turkey? .  
  
Rukawa: D'aho. It's a person who uses very pompous language like yourself.  
  
Sakuragi: TEME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! X/  
  
Announcer: That's right! ^-^ the succeeding question, how many players are there in a soccer team?  
  
Maki: Is this a trick question? It can't possibly be that simple right? O.6  
  
Fujima: On the field playing or including those on the bench? ^-^  
  
Sakuragi(thinking): These two are mad.... O.O;; (audibly) Eleven.  
  
Announcer: Yes! ^-^ And so what does MEP stand for?  
  
Sakuragi: Most valuable player! {is not very fluent in English, wait no, is utterly, disastrously hopeless in English} and that is me! The tensai! NYAHAHAHAHA!!!! =D  
  
Kiyota(backstage): BAKERU! It's not you! It's Maki-san! X/ How can it be you? Never in a million zillion trillion gazillion years! Only this super rookie Kiyota Nobunaga will succeed Maki-san as MVP! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! =D  
  
Sakuragi: URUSAI NOSARU! You're out of the game because you're too stupid so don't be noisy! X/  
  
Kiyota: You're only in the game because Mitsui-san took pity on your pathetic self! Don't be bossy to me! X/  
  
Kogure(backstage): Maa maa..Kiyota. The game's still playing on air.. ^-^;;  
  
Maki: That idiot. Shame of Kainandai. T.T*  
  
Fujima: Most efficient player? ^-^  
  
Rukawa(miraculously awake without intending to insult Sakuragi): Most excellent player. Hnn.  
  
Maki: Most extraordinary player?  
  
Sakuragi: Most.... (racks his brains for an 'e' word) extraterrestrial player?  
  
Everyone: O.O;;  
  
Fujima: I don't think that's quite right. ^-^  
  
Announcer: If it means you, then it should be most ebullient, entertaining, egregious and effusive player in basketball history and in this show's history. ^-^  
  
Sakuragi: @-@  
  
Maki: Most engaging player?  
  
Announcer: Why do all of you have such narrow outlooks? It's Member of the European Parliament! ^-^ My god, you're stupid.  
  
Maki(cursing silently): Bitch.  
  
Fujima(to himself): Bitch.  
  
Sakuragi(still lost): ? @-@  
  
Sendoh(from the audience): Yay! That's the way to go announcer-san! Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!  
  
Kogure: Now that's not very nice.. ^-^;; (to himself) bitch.  
  
Announcer(smiling): Well thank you for the compliments I'm getting paid for being bitchy now shall we go on to the next question? ^-^  
  
Everyone: She's pissed isn't she? O.O;;  
  
Announcer: Our next question what do you call a person with no brains? ^-^  
  
Everyone: Yep, she's pissed.. O.O;;;;;;;  
  
Sakuragi: Rukawa! NYAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!! =D  
  
Announcer(coolly): I should think that should be yourself. ^-^  
  
Sakuragi: Ara? But this tensai didn't do anything to upset you? Why take it out on me? 0.0 (wide-eyed with tears)  
  
Anouncer: Actually you're right. So for the fun of it we'll skip this question since we already know the answer. ^-^\/ (flashes peace sign). Next one then.  
  
Everyone: O.O;;  
  
Announcer: Explain hotfoot. ^-^  
  
Sakuragi: You're a Lord of the Rings fan too? O.O  
  
Mitsui(slapping his hand to his forehead): I think I'd rather expose my brilliance than to have Shohoku be embarrassed by such a fool. My biggest mistake.  
  
Fujima(sweetly): That's hobbit, Sakuragi. You've got the words mixed up. ^- ^  
  
Sakuragi(scratching his head): What's the difference? (Fujima opens his mouth to speak but he cuts him off with an arrogant wave of his hand) Never mind, the tensai knows. Just checking.  
  
Maki: Right. O.O;;  
  
Annoucer: So? ^-^  
  
Sakuragi(blank look): So what? O.O  
  
Kiyota(yelling): Answer the damn question you stupid saru! X/ Mitsui-san! You should have traded with me instead! Why did you choose that baka saru instead of me? Why?!!!  
  
Mitsui: O.O;; (thinking) As if you're any better.  
  
Sakuragi: URUSAI you! X/ (loudly to himself) I will not get mad at such a stupid person, I will NOT get mad at such a stupid person!  
  
Rukawa: D'aho  
  
Sakuragi: What did you say you baka kitsune?!!! X/  
  
Maki: Oi Sakuragi.  
  
Sakuragi(turns to him): What is it oyaji?  
  
Maki flinches slightly.  
  
Maki: If you won't answer then I will.  
  
Sakuragi(rubbing the back of his head sheepishly): AHAHAHAHAH! Suman! I forgot about the question!  
  
Announcer: You're wasting valuable time which you don't deserve Sakuragi. Time is money. Money is time. Don't waste time, and don't waste money if you know what's good for you.  
  
Sakuragi: Ahahahaha~ (looks at audience) What does she mean by that?  
  
Collective sigh from the audience.  
  
Rukawa: Great haste.  
  
Sakuragi: What did you call me kitsune? What?!!! X/  
  
Rukawa sighs.  
  
Sakuragi: TEME!!!!!!! Don't ignore the tensai! X/  
  
Rukawa yawns.  
  
Sakuragi: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (a string of foul words escape his mouth)  
  
Sendoh: Ganbatte yo Sakuragi-kun!  
  
Mitsui: I officially declare myself as the only sane person in this studio.  
  
Announcer: All right. Great haste then. I mean, the answer. Votes? ^-^  
  
Maki(glancing at a fuming Sakuragi and a purposely-infuriating-him Rukawa): Myself please.  
  
Fujima(taking advantage of the situation): Maki.  
  
Sakuragi: KITSUNE! KITSUNE! X/  
  
Rukawa: D'aho.  
  
Announcer: Well, then, since Maki has two votes....you're the weakest link then! See you! ^-^  
  
Maki bows and departs.  
  
Sakuragi(hadn't realized what had actually happened): Oi! Oyaji! Where are you going?  
  
Sendoh: Oi! Announcer-san! I thought you liked him!  
  
Announcer: Security, please throw that loud-mouth fellow out of my studio please. ^-^  
  
Sendoh: Oi! Oi! You can't do this to me! Oi!!!! (struggles as three burly men grab him and toss him out the door)  
  
Kogure: Shimata.. ^-^;;  
  
Announcer: So we have Sakuragi, Rukawa and Fujima left. I'll present one final, decisive question to determine the winner. All right?  
  
Nods.  
  
Announcer: Here's a geographical and botanical question. What is a larch?  
  
Sakuragi: Ah! That was in a test sensei gave last week! I know the answer!  
  
Rukawa: D'aho. Don't waste your breath.  
  
Sakuragi: TEME!!!! (but ignores him after an internal struggle with himself) I know the answer!  
  
Fujima(smiling): So do I. ^-^  
  
Announcer: All right. Let's see now. The person who raises his hand first after I whistle will answer the question.  
  
Sakuragi(looks set to pounce on err, the question): Humph.  
  
Fujima(determined gleam in his eye): Ready  
  
Rukawa: *yawn* XO  
  
Annoucer whistles.  
  
Sakuragi's hand shoots up immediately, followed by Fujima's. Note that Rukawa doesn't even bother.  
  
Announcer: Sakuragi?  
  
Sakuragi: Uh, erm, what's the question? O.o I forgot.  
  
Everyone facefaults.  
  
Rukawa: D'aho.  
  
Announcer: Aha, so Fujima then. Fujima?  
  
Fujima: Before I answer can I ask a rhetorical question? ^-^  
  
Announcer: Go ahead. ^-^  
  
Fujima: Has anybody realized that Sakuragi has a very short attention span? ^-^  
  
Announcer(nodding): Your answer? ^-^  
  
Fujima: And that he has a very limited memory as well? ^-^  
  
Annoucer(nodding): Your answer? ^-^;  
  
Fujima: And he gets mad at Rukawa the most? ^-^  
  
Announcer(nodding): Answer? ^-^;;  
  
Fujima: And he surprises us by answering when you least expect it? ^-^  
  
Announcer(nodding in exasperation): Answer? ^-^;;;  
  
Fujima: And that he's remarkably, well, ODD? ^-^  
  
Announcer(ticked off): All right. All right. We all know that. Your answer please.  
  
Fujima(raises hand to indicate that he's not done yet): And he- -  
  
Annoucer(majorly annoyed): Rukawa? What's your answer then?  
  
Fujima: But I know the answer! A larch is a deciduous tree of the pine family!  
  
Announcer(pointedly ignoring him): Rukawa? ^-^  
  
Rukawa(repeating what Fujima just blurted out): A larch is a deciduous tree of the pine family... *yawn* XO  
  
Announcer: Rukawa! You are the winner of the Weakest Link! Congratulations! ^-^  
  
Sakuragi: NANI??!!!! The winner is not this tensai?  
  
Fujima(protesting): But that was my answer!  
  
Maki: Fool.  
  
Mitsui(shrugging): Rukawa as the winner? Ah heck. What can you expect from a bunch of loonies?  
  
Kogure: Congratulations Rukawa! ^-^  
  
Rukawa: *snore*  
  
Everyone: O.O;;;;;;;;  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I know this isn't funny. Well look, you wouldn't be funny too if you ran out of ideas and just got frostbite. _ So cut me some slack, will you?  
  
P/S Next up will be the Weakest Link, a SD special 2. PP/S Erm, well, the host was supposed to be as acid and bitchy as the original Weakest Link host. You know, the British one. I shan't name her though, for fear of getting sued. PPP/S Oh yes, I do know how the suing process works. I'm not Kiyota. 


	5. The next series and chaos ensues

The Weakest Link a SD special 2  
  
Announcer: Good evening. Welcome to The Weakest Link, a Slam Dunk special. The contestants will compete for a million yen, which will be donated to charity. In our first series, Rukawa Kaede was our lucky winner, and, being the beneficiary that he is, has generously donated a third of the amount to charity; the rest going to paying for the damage to our system in which he himself inflicted ^-^ Our contestants today are,  
  
Hanagata Toru Hasegawa Kazushi  
  
Jin Soichiro Miyagi Ryota  
  
Akagi Takenori Fukuda Kicho Uozumi Jun and, for lack of volunteers,  
  
Sakuragi Hanamichi. *sigh*  
  
Koshino: I didn't say I didn't want to play. *sulk*  
  
Announcer: You didn't say you wanted to either.  
  
Koshino: But that doesn't mean I don't.  
  
Announcer: Weeellll, silence, I suppose, means consent. So you will replace Sakuragi Hanamichi. (thinking) phew.... ^-^;;  
  
Sakuragi(defiantly): NO! The tensai wants to play so the tensai will play? (makes a face) XP  
  
Akagi: Urusai baka! Let Koshino play! You've had your turn!  
  
Sakuragi: But Gori! It isn't fair!  
  
Akagi: Who's a gorilla?!!!!!! *death glare*  
  
Sakuragi(not getting it): You are! It isn't fair! ;_;  
  
Akagi(ready to kill him): Nani?!!!! (sucks in a deep breath and counts to ten) You fool.... Wait till I get my hands on you..  
  
Uozumi: No use wasting your breath on him Akagi. He'll never learn.  
  
Jin: Sakuragi-kun, I think it's only fair that Koshino-kun plays. After all, you already played the last time. ^-^  
  
Miyagi: And you embarrassed Shohoku so please don't play again.  
  
Nods all around.  
  
Hanagata: Actually... (turns to Hasegawa) he embarrassed everyone from Slam Dunk, ne?  
  
Hasegawa smiled wryly.  
  
Jin: He can't help being like that I suppose. But Sakuragi-kun, it is only fair.  
  
Announcer: You're wasting time. Weren't you paying attention the last time? The other host said that time is money, money is time- -  
  
Akagi: We know, we know. Try telling it to the baka who doesn't seem to understand.  
  
Sakuragi(pleading): Onna, please let me play.... please? Onegai? *sniff* O.O (wide-eyed chibi form)  
  
Announcer softens.  
  
Announcer: (thinking) kawaii ne~ (audibly for all to hear) All right, to save time and argument, Sakuragi Hanamichi will play in this round also. ^- ^  
  
Sakuragi(happily) Thank you so much! ^-^  
  
Announcer throws him a crooked smile.  
  
Kiyota, who's there to supposedly support Jin, his teammate, but actually, in truth, to annoy the saru declares the injustice of it all.  
  
Kiyota: Not fair! Not fair! Then you must let me play too!  
  
Sendoh: And me! I got kicked out in the first round the last time so I should play again! ^-^//  
  
Akagi, Uozumi, Koshino, Ikegami, Miyagi, Hanagata, Hasegawa, Mitsui(from the audience and next to him): What kind of reason is that? O.O  
  
Announcer: I'm afraid that's not possible. For starters, there are supposed to be only eight players.  
  
Sendoh(slyly): Surely you can do something about that? You do make up the rules after all..  
  
Announcer: ....  
  
Mitsui(sarcastically and rolling his eyes): Oh smart. Rubbing her the right way aren't we now? 8-8  
  
Announcer: ...  
  
Sendoh: How about it then? Time is money, money is time...  
  
Announcer: And frankly, I couldn't care less. I'm being paid to waste time hosting this show. So more time wasted means more money for me.  
  
Sendoh: Aa... ^-^;;  
  
Mitsui: By the way, what happened to the other host? O.o  
  
Announcer: She died and went to.. well, who am I to say? She just.. arghhh, let's just get on with this. Fine, Kiyota and Sendoh may play. But we need another player to make it all even.  
  
Sendoh(dragging Mitsui along): Mitsui-san will play!  
  
Mitsui(trying to remove Sendoh's arm): I didn't volunteer you baka! And I certainly don't want to play again! X/  
  
Miyagi(snickering): What's wrong? Afraid to lose? O.o  
  
Mitsui: Nani?!!!! HAH! I'll show you who's afraid! (stalks up to the set, this time, he's doing the dragging)  
  
Announcer(sarcastically): So, we'll have twelve players in this round. Anyone else care to join?  
  
Fujima raised his hand.  
  
Fujima: I would like to, if you don't mind. ^-^  
  
Everyone(yelling): YES WE DO MIND!!!! X/  
  
Fujima: Mou....  
  
Maki: Fujima?  
  
Fujima: Yes Maki?  
  
Maki: You're weird. You do realize that don't you? O.o  
  
Fujima: ^-^  
  
Announcer: All right, if there's nothing else, we will begin.  
  
*cue for commercial break- too much time wasted*  
  
Announcer(nerve twitching): I am earning money for this so I shan't lose my temper. I should be grateful they're wasting time. Really. ^-^*****\/ (flashes peace sign while maintaining, erm, a very, very, lopsided smile)  
  
Everyone: O.O;;;;  
  
  
  
  
  
-------------- This fic is still not yaoi and will never be.  
  
To all who reviewed, hontou arigatou gozaimasu. I am greatly indebted to you. *mock salute* No, really. 


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